Sarcasm

I dialed a number and got the following recording:  
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
"I am not available right now, but  
Thank you for caring enough to call.  
I am making some changes in my life.   
Please leave a message after the   Beep. 
If I do not return your call,  
You are one of the changes."  
~~~~~   
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
~~~~~  
My wife and I had words,
But I didn't get to use mine.
~~~~~  
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
~~~~~  
Blessed are those who can give without remembering
And take without forgetting.  
~~~~~   
The irony of life is that, by the time  
You're old enough to know your way  
Around, you're not going anywhere. 
~~~~~  
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think
Of an answer for her first question.  
~~~~~  
I was always taught to respect my elders,
But it keeps getting harder to find one. 
~~~~~  
Every morning is the dawn  
Of a new error.