Thursday, 13 December 2007

Marital exchange

SUBJECT:  Update!
DATE: 
9/9/99
FROM:  hubby@office.com
TO:  wife@homefront.com
  Dear Wife....I'm sending you this email to bring up to date on the events of our family.  I tried to talk to you while you were on your computer, but you just kept telling me that you would BRB.....whatever that means.  So, I decided to send you this email. John Jr. cut his first tooth today.  He's the one you bounce on your knee while typing.  Remember how he giggles when he hears the Ut Oh sound?   Sorry about him dropping his peanut butter sandwich on your keyboard.  Is it working okay since I cleaned it up for you? Can you read the letters I tried to paint back on your keyboard? Most of them had been rubbed off. Susie had her first date Saturday night.  She had a good time and said to thank you for letting them use your car.  She put the keys back on the key rack underneath the cobwebs where she found them.  Do you realize that she wears the same size clothes as you do?  In case you've forgotten her, she's the one who has you raise your feet when she's running the sweeper. Tim is playing football.  He looks forward to going to school now that he has a sport to play.  He wanted to know if you would come to one of his games if we bought you a laptop to bring along?  Do you remember him?  He's the one who empties your porta potty for you. Lets see.....since the last time I wrote you (3 months ago), the refrigerator had to be replaced, the dog died from old age,  your mother and dad painted the room where your computer is (hope you like the color), the church has a new pastor, the President has been impeached, and oh yes..... I have a new job. Well, I think that's about it.  I'll email you again in about 3 months.  You take care of yourself honey.  We all "miss" you very much and will see you the next time the power goes off! Love,
Your Husband

SUBJECT:  Monthly Report
DATE:
10/13/98
FROM: wife@library.com
TO: hubby@home_alone.com
  Dear Hubby, Honey, we need to talk!  "DON'T" click another URL until you've read this.......please. Since you're always busy, I'm using the computer at the library to send you this email.  It's been months since you've spent anytime with the family.  Actually, we are all getting a little worried about you.  Your legs won't straighten out and your eyes are blood red now.  I really think you should stop sleeping in that chair even though we did have it made into a recliner with a keyboard tray and extra padding. Remember when I wanted your attention and put too much Viagra in your coffee.......well.... surprise.... we're having twins.  Have you recovered from that exhausting few days yet?   I haven't .....and will "NEVER" do that again no matter how lonely I get! Oh yes.....the doctor said the catheter has to come out hun.  You can't leave it in there any longer.  You'll have to stop and go to the bathroom or start using your urinal again.  Sorry!   And.......the leak wasn't the waterbed.....we don't have a waterbed! The kids are all fine.  I loaded their school pictures on your web site so you can see how much they have grown.  Click on the button that says "Surprise, we've grown up".  Jack said he'd trim your beard for you next week.  Susie felt so bad when she upset your lunch on the keyboard.  Bless her heart, she's like your mother....she's a few fries short of a complete Happy Meal but she tries.  I hope everything is working okay now. Oh yes, you don't need to worry about the mouse I wanted you to kill.  I got him with one of your golf clubs.  The club is a little bent now.....hope that doesn't hurt it.  It's kind of like a kinked slinky. I'll write again once the twins are born.  Ed, our insurance salesman, is taking me and the kids on a trip so take care.  We'll be back in a couple of weeks.  Remember not to put both contact lenses in the same eye! Love,
Your Wife

1 comment:

kirkbyj05 said...

Well at least it was a balanced dig at both sexes....but I know what they are saying........blush!    
Two more great jokes Guido.
Thanks a bunch!
Jeanie