For Lexophiles

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
 
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
 
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

 4. A backward poet writes inverse.
 
5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
 
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
 
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
 
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
 
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
 
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
 
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
 
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
 
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
 
14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
 
15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
 
16. A calendar's days are numbered.
 
17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
 
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
 
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
 
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
 
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
 
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
 
23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
 
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
 
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
 
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
 
27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
 
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
 
29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
 
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced