Tuesday, 7 April 2009

Religious education

These are the actual answers to questions in a RE exam. All spelling and grammar errors are authentic.

  1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off
  2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built the Ark and the animals came on in pears.
  3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night
  4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals
  5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah
  6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles
  7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients
  8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
  9. The First Commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple
  10. The Seventh Commandments is thou shalt not admit adultery
  11. Moses died before he even reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
  12. The greatest miricle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him
  13. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines
  14. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta
  15. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
  16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manger
  17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption
  18. St John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head
  19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone
  20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance
  21. The epistles were the wives of the apostles
  22. One of the oppossums was St Matthew who was also a taximan.
  23. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels
  24. St Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.

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