Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Keep a healthy level of insanity

  1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
  2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
  3. Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that
  4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it IN
  5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everybody has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to expresso
  6. In the memo field of all your checks write “For Sexual Favours”
  7. Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy”
  8. Don’t use any punctuation
  9. Skip rather than walk as often as possible
  10. As people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer
  11. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go”
  12. Sing along at the opera
  13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme
  14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day
  15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood
  16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name: Rock Hard
  17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I won! I won! Third times this week!!”
  18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the carpark, yelling: “Run for your lives, they’re loose!!”
  19. Tell your children over dinner: “Due to the economy, we’re going to have to let one of you go”

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