The bloom of our nation

The following questions and answers were collected from last year's GCSE
exam results in Swindon, Wiltshire. They are genuine responses (from 16 year
olds)!

        Geography

        Q: Name the four seasons.
        A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

        Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
             drink.
        A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
         pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

        Q: How is dew formed?
        A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

        Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
        A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
        tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and
        Nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

            Sociology

        Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
        A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

        Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
        A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

        Q: What are steroids?
        A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology

 

        Q: What happens to your body as you age?
        A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

        Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
        A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

        Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
        A: Premature death.
 
        Q: What is artificial insemination?
        A: When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

        Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
        A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

        Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g.
            abdomen)
       A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax
       the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the
       heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I,
       O and U.

        Q: What is the Fibula?
        A: A small lie.

        Q: What does "varicose" mean?
        A: Nearby.

        Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
        A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

        Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
        A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

        Q: What is a seizure?
        A: A Roman emperor.

        Q: What is a terminal illness?
        A: When you are sick at the airport

        Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
        A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like

         umbrellas.

        English

        Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its

        meaning.
        A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

        Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
        A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

        Technology

        Q: What is a turbine?
        A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on head